We don’t talk enough about the single supportive friend. This is the friend that shows up when summoned with little to no compliant. Often, they are a person who has many skillsets. They are the camera person; the babysitter; the partner in crime for ratchet activity; bridesmaid/groomsmen; hype person; private investigator. Most importantly, they are the “strong” friend who is there to listen to you complain about your relationship, while trying to remain unbiased and not sulk about being single. I could go on and on about the things that single friends do, but because they are humble they rarely take the credit for their indomitable support.

I think that we can all agree that the single supportive friend is a keeper. They are normally low maintenance when it comes to your relationship because they get you. Almost to point that you don’t even have to ask and they are already there with what you need. They are confident about their position in your life and on rare occasion you all might fight, but when whatever you were mad about is over, it’s over.

I believe that I fit into the single supportive friend category. I have been all those things listed above. In fact, I did an impromptu maternity shoot in June. However, for the last year or so I’ve been having difficulty with maintaining my ability to be fully present and supportive as I watch my friends receive some of the very things I’m believing God for. I receive the invites, I show up or send gifts (COVID still out here yal!), but I still feel left out from the party.

I was recently having a vulnerable conversation with one of my best friends about taking a hiatus from social media. I took the entire month of June off because I was tired and frustrated and finding myself looping back into depression from the highlight reels I was seeing. Being almost 30 and seeing people from high school, undergrad, and grad school all get married, have children, or travel was breaking me down. It was reminding me that the plan I had mapped out for my life in this season wasn’t really working and that was making me sad. So, for my mental health, I deleted all my apps and I did what I hadn’t done in a while; I spent time with God and I spent time with myself.

As a Christian single woman, I had started to neglect the most important relationships in my life: the one with God and the one with myself. It is so important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. My core purpose for the last 3 years has been to prioritize my relationship with God. However, in the midst of this pandemic, I forgot to do that. Him and I’s relationship is what reminds me to check in with myself. It is written in 3 of the Gospels, but we’ll take the verse from Luke, “…’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Luke 10:27, NIV). Jesus stated these two are the greatest commandments. Prioritizing YOU in your life is VITAL! Most importantly prioritizing GOD is VITAL. This truth is what got me back on track along with being vulnerable with a confidant.

My confidant is my best friend. I love my best friend, who happens to be married and pregnant, but she was there for me in my moment of vulnerability. In my transparency, she did two things: 1) she acknowledged my frustrations; and, 2) she encouraged me, it pays to know true authentic friendship. I was so grateful for that moment. Sometimes being the single supportive friend is hard and it doesn’t mean that we are not happy for our love ones, it just means that we also want to experience those things too. I recently listened to an episode on the podcast Singles Exchange called “The Single Friend” that I believe explains it best, please check it out when you get the chance. However, here are a few takeaways that I believe the host Joy J said that stuck with me:

  1. Having full transparency with your friends is okay.
  2. Desiring marriage/relationship is okay.
  3. Have multiple friendships. Cherish your other friends who are single.

Thanks Joy!

Check on your single friends sometimes, we might not be okay. Love yal!


Photo by @fashfotos from nappy.co

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